One stepmom I talked to complained that her husband never planned their date nights—that she had to or they wouldn’t happen. She bought the book 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex by Laura Corn. The book contains 101 ideas for private events one partner plans for the other one, and her husband really got into the planning.
Each chapter says “For Her Eyes” or “For His Eyes” and are sealed shut so no one can peek. Now they both plan nights together that have ended up making them feel closer to each other. Many books about marriage refer to the need for open and honest communication, and it’s true—it’s crucial to learn how to talk about difficult things.
However, those hard-hitting discussions must be balanced with fun. Remember Gottman’s research? How many positive moments do you have every day? How many negative interactions? After my husband and I spent an entire day working on our household budget and having several heated exchanges, we went out to our favorite art movie theater for a film we both wanted to see.
Then we hit our new favorite wine bar for a glass of wine and dessert. The images I’ve retained from that day are not the time spent in our home office, but the time spent watching a great film with my love holding my hand. Plus, we actually worked through some financial discussions, so we felt as if we’d accomplished something big as a team.
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